Pregnant With Hope

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year.  When I was young my family and I always spent the day after Thanksgiving picking out a fresh tree, and decorating the house for the season.  As an impatient child I couldn't wait for Christmas Day.  I not only counted-down the days, I even begged my parents to allow us to open presents early!  It wasn't until I was grown and married that I began to appreciate Advent.  And yet I still don't think I've realized the full power of this season.
Yesterday was the first Sunday in Advent.  As I sat in the pew at worship and perused the bulletin I noticed a section describing our Advent Wednesday activities and one particular phrase caught my attention... and my heart.  It said, "Advent (or "coming") marks a season of preparation as we prepare our hearts... to receive again the gift of the Christ child.  It is a time when we are 'pregnant with hope.'"  Pregnant with hope.  In an instant I found the phrase that describes exactly what I'm feeling, that has been so very difficult to describe to those who have no experience with the long, emotional journey of adoption.  But before I go further into that, I have to take a little tangent.
Our first interview with our social worker was today.  Naturally she asked us why we've chosen to adopt.  We retold the heartbreaking story of our struggles to concieve our own children and the painful conversation with the urology nurse wherein we were told that we were 'asking for a miracle.'  (Surprisingly this story becomes less and less painful to tell each time we tell it.  Even more surprising, I think, is how natural, albeit frustrating, this process has become to us.  In a way it simply must be, for this is the only way we will get our 'jamaa,' our God-given family.)  As we were recounting doctors visits and numerous procedures and prescriptions, she asked if we were 'okay' with all of this.  To which I responded with what I wrote in this blog back in February regarding grief.  Is any adoptive mother ever really 'over' grief?  Who's to say?  I do not imagine that even after finalizing an adoption, there isn't even the smallest part of an adoptive mother that doesn't feel just a tinge of sadness at not experiencing one of the most incredible things our bodies were designed for.  However, us adoptive mommies get to experience the growth and birth of our babies in a way that no other mother could ever understand - one that grows so intensly in our hearts.  Anyway, as a result of our interview today we were able to take a HUGE step forward in this process and our 'jamaa' feels more and more like a reality.
So back to Advent.  During this season words like coming, waiting, promise, and hope hang in the air.  I know I'm far from being Mary and our baby certainly isn't the Christ child... but I can't help feeling that this Advent was created for us.  To teach us to not only be okay with the waiting, but to find joy, hope, peace and holy anticipation in this waiting.  Our jamaa is coming.  A great and gracious gift is coming to us and, like Mary, I find myself whispering, "God, who is mighty, has done great things for me, and Holy is God's name."  Alleluia!

First Interview!

Got an email from our social worker this afternoon - our first interview is one week from today!!  I have no idea what they'll ask or what we'll discuss, but I am EXCITED!!  I also can't help but wonder... what would happen if everyone had to be interviewed before having children?  Hmmmmmm.
Anyway, as always we appreciate your prayers and good thoughts as this all starts to get real.  We thank you all for reading and supporting us as we work so hard to bring Baby Letscher home.

Papers Are In!

Well, on Monday we turned-in probably a 50-page application packet that included: two sets of fingerprints, two multi-page autobiographies (with more personal information than I usually care to share with complete strangers, but whaddaya do?), one 8-10 page application, singed payment agreements, financial disclosures, a copy of our taxes, a copy of our marriage certificate, releases for criminal background checks, three cheques and all of my blood, sweat and tears from the last 6 months!  Baaaaah!  Now I'm trying to decide when to begin to panic that I have yet to even recieve a phone call from our social worker that our packet has been recieved and we're ready for the first steps. 
I'm trying to still keep my excitement in-check.  I don't want to get too excited because even after home studies and all kinds of jumping through other hoops our application could still be denied, we could not get a placement or all kinds of other derailments.  On the other hand, it's hard not to really want to start getting 'serious.' The other day my mom and I were at a certain discount department store and found a lion costume for an infant that was on clearance for $1!  As we are both Gustavus grads we found it impossible to resist buying it with the hope that soon we'll be able to have a "Little Gustie" to put in it!  Ha!!
Anyway, for those of you who want to know where we are in the process, the answer is... we're still waiting.  I have a feeling we're going to be doing a LOT of that.  And the skill we will now need to seek is how to turn that waiting into some sort of spiritual practice!
Will post again when we hear any news from the agency.  Thank you all for your continued support and prayers!

Dear Baby, part two

Dear Baby,
For the first time in this whole crazy process I'm allowing myself to get excited about you! This week your daddy and I finished up our application and will hand it in tomorrow. We had to go see a doctor and get him to say that we are healthy enough to bring you home. We also had to get fingerprinted. For the record, the inside of the police station is really creepy- please stay out of there as you grow up! ;o) This weekend we started to get your nursery ready. We put your crib together, moved furniture- not too much, because it could still be a very long time until you are actually here and actually ours. But these past few days have helped me to finally understand what adoptive mommies mean when they they say that their children "grew in their hearts." You're already growing in ours!

Application Day

Alright.  I know my absence from this blog is inexcusable.  Suffice to say that for months our progress was suspended because we simply could not find a way to finance this dream.  All I'll say about that is simply that Stan and I have an incredible family and I can't wait until the day I can thank them for making our dream come true!

In the meantime, we have just one step left before we can turn in our application - fingerprinting.  Tomorrow morning we'll head down to the CRPD and get fingerprinted.  Then, hopefully, tomorrow afternoon we'll be putting that sucker in the mail!  Or, dropping it off directly.  I may not trust the postal service with something so important!  Regardless, tomorrow is Application Day!  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.  I may not sleep tonight!  But it'll all be so totally worth it!!  So, if anyone finds me snoozing in my office tomorrow - be kind and simply turn off the lights and close the door. ;o)

Will post again when the papers have been turned in.