Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. When I was young my family and I always spent the day after Thanksgiving picking out a fresh tree, and decorating the house for the season. As an impatient child I couldn't wait for Christmas Day. I not only counted-down the days, I even begged my parents to allow us to open presents early! It wasn't until I was grown and married that I began to appreciate Advent. And yet I still don't think I've realized the full power of this season.
Yesterday was the first Sunday in Advent. As I sat in the pew at worship and perused the bulletin I noticed a section describing our Advent Wednesday activities and one particular phrase caught my attention... and my heart. It said, "Advent (or "coming") marks a season of preparation as we prepare our hearts... to receive again the gift of the Christ child. It is a time when we are 'pregnant with hope.'" Pregnant with hope. In an instant I found the phrase that describes exactly what I'm feeling, that has been so very difficult to describe to those who have no experience with the long, emotional journey of adoption. But before I go further into that, I have to take a little tangent.
Our first interview with our social worker was today. Naturally she asked us why we've chosen to adopt. We retold the heartbreaking story of our struggles to concieve our own children and the painful conversation with the urology nurse wherein we were told that we were 'asking for a miracle.' (Surprisingly this story becomes less and less painful to tell each time we tell it. Even more surprising, I think, is how natural, albeit frustrating, this process has become to us. In a way it simply must be, for this is the only way we will get our 'jamaa,' our God-given family.) As we were recounting doctors visits and numerous procedures and prescriptions, she asked if we were 'okay' with all of this. To which I responded with what I wrote in this blog back in February regarding grief. Is any adoptive mother ever really 'over' grief? Who's to say? I do not imagine that even after finalizing an adoption, there isn't even the smallest part of an adoptive mother that doesn't feel just a tinge of sadness at not experiencing one of the most incredible things our bodies were designed for. However, us adoptive mommies get to experience the growth and birth of our babies in a way that no other mother could ever understand - one that grows so intensly in our hearts. Anyway, as a result of our interview today we were able to take a HUGE step forward in this process and our 'jamaa' feels more and more like a reality.
So back to Advent. During this season words like coming, waiting, promise, and hope hang in the air. I know I'm far from being Mary and our baby certainly isn't the Christ child... but I can't help feeling that this Advent was created for us. To teach us to not only be okay with the waiting, but to find joy, hope, peace and holy anticipation in this waiting. Our jamaa is coming. A great and gracious gift is coming to us and, like Mary, I find myself whispering, "God, who is mighty, has done great things for me, and Holy is God's name." Alleluia!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
First Interview!
Got an email from our social worker this afternoon - our first interview is one week from today!! I have no idea what they'll ask or what we'll discuss, but I am EXCITED!! I also can't help but wonder... what would happen if everyone had to be interviewed before having children? Hmmmmmm.
Anyway, as always we appreciate your prayers and good thoughts as this all starts to get real. We thank you all for reading and supporting us as we work so hard to bring Baby Letscher home.
Anyway, as always we appreciate your prayers and good thoughts as this all starts to get real. We thank you all for reading and supporting us as we work so hard to bring Baby Letscher home.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Papers Are In!
Well, on Monday we turned-in probably a 50-page application packet that included: two sets of fingerprints, two multi-page autobiographies (with more personal information than I usually care to share with complete strangers, but whaddaya do?), one 8-10 page application, singed payment agreements, financial disclosures, a copy of our taxes, a copy of our marriage certificate, releases for criminal background checks, three cheques and all of my blood, sweat and tears from the last 6 months! Baaaaah! Now I'm trying to decide when to begin to panic that I have yet to even recieve a phone call from our social worker that our packet has been recieved and we're ready for the first steps.
I'm trying to still keep my excitement in-check. I don't want to get too excited because even after home studies and all kinds of jumping through other hoops our application could still be denied, we could not get a placement or all kinds of other derailments. On the other hand, it's hard not to really want to start getting 'serious.' The other day my mom and I were at a certain discount department store and found a lion costume for an infant that was on clearance for $1! As we are both Gustavus grads we found it impossible to resist buying it with the hope that soon we'll be able to have a "Little Gustie" to put in it! Ha!!
Anyway, for those of you who want to know where we are in the process, the answer is... we're still waiting. I have a feeling we're going to be doing a LOT of that. And the skill we will now need to seek is how to turn that waiting into some sort of spiritual practice!
Will post again when we hear any news from the agency. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers!
I'm trying to still keep my excitement in-check. I don't want to get too excited because even after home studies and all kinds of jumping through other hoops our application could still be denied, we could not get a placement or all kinds of other derailments. On the other hand, it's hard not to really want to start getting 'serious.' The other day my mom and I were at a certain discount department store and found a lion costume for an infant that was on clearance for $1! As we are both Gustavus grads we found it impossible to resist buying it with the hope that soon we'll be able to have a "Little Gustie" to put in it! Ha!!
Anyway, for those of you who want to know where we are in the process, the answer is... we're still waiting. I have a feeling we're going to be doing a LOT of that. And the skill we will now need to seek is how to turn that waiting into some sort of spiritual practice!
Will post again when we hear any news from the agency. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Dear Baby, part two
Dear Baby,
For the first time in this whole crazy process I'm allowing myself to get excited about you! This week your daddy and I finished up our application and will hand it in tomorrow. We had to go see a doctor and get him to say that we are healthy enough to bring you home. We also had to get fingerprinted. For the record, the inside of the police station is really creepy- please stay out of there as you grow up! ;o) This weekend we started to get your nursery ready. We put your crib together, moved furniture- not too much, because it could still be a very long time until you are actually here and actually ours. But these past few days have helped me to finally understand what adoptive mommies mean when they they say that their children "grew in their hearts." You're already growing in ours!
For the first time in this whole crazy process I'm allowing myself to get excited about you! This week your daddy and I finished up our application and will hand it in tomorrow. We had to go see a doctor and get him to say that we are healthy enough to bring you home. We also had to get fingerprinted. For the record, the inside of the police station is really creepy- please stay out of there as you grow up! ;o) This weekend we started to get your nursery ready. We put your crib together, moved furniture- not too much, because it could still be a very long time until you are actually here and actually ours. But these past few days have helped me to finally understand what adoptive mommies mean when they they say that their children "grew in their hearts." You're already growing in ours!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Application Day
Alright. I know my absence from this blog is inexcusable. Suffice to say that for months our progress was suspended because we simply could not find a way to finance this dream. All I'll say about that is simply that Stan and I have an incredible family and I can't wait until the day I can thank them for making our dream come true!
In the meantime, we have just one step left before we can turn in our application - fingerprinting. Tomorrow morning we'll head down to the CRPD and get fingerprinted. Then, hopefully, tomorrow afternoon we'll be putting that sucker in the mail! Or, dropping it off directly. I may not trust the postal service with something so important! Regardless, tomorrow is Application Day! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I may not sleep tonight! But it'll all be so totally worth it!! So, if anyone finds me snoozing in my office tomorrow - be kind and simply turn off the lights and close the door. ;o)
Will post again when the papers have been turned in.
In the meantime, we have just one step left before we can turn in our application - fingerprinting. Tomorrow morning we'll head down to the CRPD and get fingerprinted. Then, hopefully, tomorrow afternoon we'll be putting that sucker in the mail! Or, dropping it off directly. I may not trust the postal service with something so important! Regardless, tomorrow is Application Day! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I may not sleep tonight! But it'll all be so totally worth it!! So, if anyone finds me snoozing in my office tomorrow - be kind and simply turn off the lights and close the door. ;o)
Will post again when the papers have been turned in.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Dear Baby
Dear Baby,
It's March. We've been trying to bring you home for exactly 3 months now. Some days are easier than others - and some are really hard.
You don't know yet what it means to have a "good" day or a "bad" day. In fact, I hope and pray that your daddy and I can help you have more good days than bad - I think every parent wants that for their child. As you grow up you will have days that seem "bad." Some days your feelings will get hurt. Some days you will be disappointed in yourself, and others. Some days your heart will break and you will be sad. But, dear Baby, I want you to know that your daddy and I, and your Father in Heaven will always help you work good from the bad.
Some days your daddy and I are sad. We've been dreaming about you and praying for you for so long, each day seems like a lifetime. We are so ready to meet you, and hold you, and love you and call you "ours." Today we met with someone who helped us get ready for you. (By the way - life insurance is a VERY good thing to have. Even if it seems like you're buying a LOT more than you'll ever need. We'll talk more about that when you're like, twenty.) There's a lot of planning to do just to get you here. Sometimes all those things can feel overwhelming and it's hard to have hope. You will have days like this, life is just like that sometimes. However, there are tons of people who already love you and will be there to help you whenever you have need.
Dear Baby, please hurry home. We love you and we can't wait to meet you!
With love,
Mommy and Daddy
It's March. We've been trying to bring you home for exactly 3 months now. Some days are easier than others - and some are really hard.
You don't know yet what it means to have a "good" day or a "bad" day. In fact, I hope and pray that your daddy and I can help you have more good days than bad - I think every parent wants that for their child. As you grow up you will have days that seem "bad." Some days your feelings will get hurt. Some days you will be disappointed in yourself, and others. Some days your heart will break and you will be sad. But, dear Baby, I want you to know that your daddy and I, and your Father in Heaven will always help you work good from the bad.
Some days your daddy and I are sad. We've been dreaming about you and praying for you for so long, each day seems like a lifetime. We are so ready to meet you, and hold you, and love you and call you "ours." Today we met with someone who helped us get ready for you. (By the way - life insurance is a VERY good thing to have. Even if it seems like you're buying a LOT more than you'll ever need. We'll talk more about that when you're like, twenty.) There's a lot of planning to do just to get you here. Sometimes all those things can feel overwhelming and it's hard to have hope. You will have days like this, life is just like that sometimes. However, there are tons of people who already love you and will be there to help you whenever you have need.
Dear Baby, please hurry home. We love you and we can't wait to meet you!
With love,
Mommy and Daddy
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Grief
Someone asked me recently, when I mentioned we were beginning the process of adoption, if I was "over my grief." I paused. I could feel my face flush. All at once a flood of questions filled my head: have I grieved? Was I done? Did I look sad? Why would she ask that? Can anyone tell I feel really embarassed and confused right now? Her question lingered in the air as everyone sat, staring at me, waiting for me to answer. That day my answer was, "Sure. I mean, I'm fine." Today my answer is, "No. Clearly not."
Our first major set of papers came in the mail yesterday. Apparently the first 10 pages I filled out were only the "inital" application. Now we have the real application and oh, by the way (as if we weren't already sweating how we were going to afford the fees we knew about), with that they'll need more money. I had a meltdown this afternoon trying to fill out just five of the twenty-some pages they sent. On top of feeling like I can't even fulfill my duties as a woman and a wife, now I have to divulge every nook and cranny of my insignificant little life to some stranger who gets to decide whether or not I get to have a child! My entire life has been reduced to how I look on paper!! How much money do I make? (Seriously, we have to write in an autobiographical essay about our annual gross income!) Have I ever sought conseling? Yes. Do I have a mental illness? Yes; but I'm not crazy; I'm actually pretty damn smart, but you wouldn't know that because all you see is this paper! What are my plans for childcare after the child is placed with us? I don't know! I don't currently have children so this is not an issue! Can't we cross that bridge when we come to it? Who the crap knows these answers? It's like I'm back in grad school filling in exam questions where I know if I don't put down exactly the answer my professor would write it'll be incorrect and I'll be screwed! Only in this case, the punishment is not just a bad grade, it's a lifetime of pain, heartache and stumbling through how to respond to the perpetual "So, do you have children?" question. (By the way, this question is no longer a simple question, but now heaps on piles of humiliation and inadequacy.)
It's amazing to me what seemingly insignificant things can set off feelings of grief. Like sitting at the bookstore looking through baby name books and the mom that passes by with her two kids and gives you the "oh-you-must-be-so-excited" look. Actually, no, I'm not. It's totally and completely unfair that most people who get to sit here and browse in the "Parenting" section are already pregnant. Me? I can't become that way, and I have absolutley no freaking clue if I'll ever be a parent because it's not up to me. News stories even trip the grief-trigger. The lastest one out now, and if I hear it again I'll scream, is the one about how feeding babies formula leads to a much higher risk of obesity. Well, guess what? I don't have a choice! It's great that breastmilk is best for babies, I wish I could do that! But I can't. And the Sockmonkeez that are sitting in what will, hopefully(!), be the nursery. I look at them and just think, who am I kidding?
The answer to her question really is, "No." And I don't think I will ever totally be "over the grief." How can you ever truly be "over" grieving the loss of an experience that is so inately part of your being? An experience that (seemingly) every other woman you know gets to experience, but you; how do you get over that? I'm certain only time will tell. For now, I'm not and today has been the greatest evidence of that. Here's hoping the sun shines a little brighter tomorrow.
Our first major set of papers came in the mail yesterday. Apparently the first 10 pages I filled out were only the "inital" application. Now we have the real application and oh, by the way (as if we weren't already sweating how we were going to afford the fees we knew about), with that they'll need more money. I had a meltdown this afternoon trying to fill out just five of the twenty-some pages they sent. On top of feeling like I can't even fulfill my duties as a woman and a wife, now I have to divulge every nook and cranny of my insignificant little life to some stranger who gets to decide whether or not I get to have a child! My entire life has been reduced to how I look on paper!! How much money do I make? (Seriously, we have to write in an autobiographical essay about our annual gross income!) Have I ever sought conseling? Yes. Do I have a mental illness? Yes; but I'm not crazy; I'm actually pretty damn smart, but you wouldn't know that because all you see is this paper! What are my plans for childcare after the child is placed with us? I don't know! I don't currently have children so this is not an issue! Can't we cross that bridge when we come to it? Who the crap knows these answers? It's like I'm back in grad school filling in exam questions where I know if I don't put down exactly the answer my professor would write it'll be incorrect and I'll be screwed! Only in this case, the punishment is not just a bad grade, it's a lifetime of pain, heartache and stumbling through how to respond to the perpetual "So, do you have children?" question. (By the way, this question is no longer a simple question, but now heaps on piles of humiliation and inadequacy.)
It's amazing to me what seemingly insignificant things can set off feelings of grief. Like sitting at the bookstore looking through baby name books and the mom that passes by with her two kids and gives you the "oh-you-must-be-so-excited" look. Actually, no, I'm not. It's totally and completely unfair that most people who get to sit here and browse in the "Parenting" section are already pregnant. Me? I can't become that way, and I have absolutley no freaking clue if I'll ever be a parent because it's not up to me. News stories even trip the grief-trigger. The lastest one out now, and if I hear it again I'll scream, is the one about how feeding babies formula leads to a much higher risk of obesity. Well, guess what? I don't have a choice! It's great that breastmilk is best for babies, I wish I could do that! But I can't. And the Sockmonkeez that are sitting in what will, hopefully(!), be the nursery. I look at them and just think, who am I kidding?
The answer to her question really is, "No." And I don't think I will ever totally be "over the grief." How can you ever truly be "over" grieving the loss of an experience that is so inately part of your being? An experience that (seemingly) every other woman you know gets to experience, but you; how do you get over that? I'm certain only time will tell. For now, I'm not and today has been the greatest evidence of that. Here's hoping the sun shines a little brighter tomorrow.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
A New Website
So, when we met with our social worker yesterday she mentioned how many birthparents find adoptive families online - through personal websites or profiles. Our agency doesn't currently offer adoptive family profiles on their site. So... I decided to make our own! You can check it out and please feel free to share it - you never know just quite how God could use it to bring together our Jamaa. Happy surfing!
http://waitingforjamaa.weebly.com/
http://waitingforjamaa.weebly.com/
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
OneCause.com
You know you're gonna shop online anyway, so why not let those dollars go a bit farther? We've signed-up with OneCause.com to help us fund our adoption expenses. Joining is simple if you follow the steps below. And every time you shop with one of the hundreds of participating on-line retailiers, we'll get just a little bit closer to our Jamaa. So, with budget in mind and cash in hand - shop 'til you drop!
Please follow the steps below to register with OneCause. You may also send the following information to your friends and family to help you with your cause:
1. Go to http://www.onecause.com/ and click “Join” (If you’ve already joined, skip to step 3)
2. Complete your profile and sign up
3. Choose the National Adoption Foundation to support
4. Go to “My Home” and click “Supporter Crediting.” (Please be guided with the information below)
5. Check the box to enroll in Supporter Crediting and add a beneficiary (see instructions below)
6. Start shopping through OneCause!
Adding a beneficiary through Supporter Crediting:
1. If you are a NEW registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit your dues/tuition, please register using our registration page. Go to My Home and in the "Supporter Crediting" page under My Profile Setting, click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate your email address that you registered with OneCause. Once completed, future transactions with OneCause will count towards benefiting supporter crediting.
2. If you are a current registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit YOUR Dues, please visit "Supporter Crediting" under My Home’s My Profile Setting. Click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate your email address that you registered with OneCause. You can change your beneficiary at any time to any other registered OneCause user and all transactions to date will begin benefiting their new recipient as long as their school is enrolled in the program.
3. If you are a NEW registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit the dues of a family member or friend's child, please register using our registration page. Go to My Home and in the "Supporter Crediting" page under My Profile Setting, click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting. In that field please place the registered OneCause email address of the parent of the child whose Supporter Crediting account you would like to support. For example if you would like to support your nephew's dues, you will need to put the registered email address of the parent who is registered with OneCause.
4. If you are a current registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit dues of a family member or friend's child, please visit "Supporter Crediting" under My Home’s My Profile Setting. Click on the tick box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate the registered OneCause email address of the person's Supporter Crediting account you would like to support (theletschers@mac.com).
Please follow the steps below to register with OneCause. You may also send the following information to your friends and family to help you with your cause:
1. Go to http://www.onecause.com/ and click “Join” (If you’ve already joined, skip to step 3)
2. Complete your profile and sign up
3. Choose the National Adoption Foundation to support
4. Go to “My Home” and click “Supporter Crediting.” (Please be guided with the information below)
5. Check the box to enroll in Supporter Crediting and add a beneficiary (see instructions below)
6. Start shopping through OneCause!
Adding a beneficiary through Supporter Crediting:
1. If you are a NEW registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit your dues/tuition, please register using our registration page. Go to My Home and in the "Supporter Crediting" page under My Profile Setting, click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate your email address that you registered with OneCause. Once completed, future transactions with OneCause will count towards benefiting supporter crediting.
2. If you are a current registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit YOUR Dues, please visit "Supporter Crediting" under My Home’s My Profile Setting. Click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate your email address that you registered with OneCause. You can change your beneficiary at any time to any other registered OneCause user and all transactions to date will begin benefiting their new recipient as long as their school is enrolled in the program.
3. If you are a NEW registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit the dues of a family member or friend's child, please register using our registration page. Go to My Home and in the "Supporter Crediting" page under My Profile Setting, click on the box to participate with Supporter Crediting. In that field please place the registered OneCause email address of the parent of the child whose Supporter Crediting account you would like to support. For example if you would like to support your nephew's dues, you will need to put the registered email address of the parent who is registered with OneCause.
4. If you are a current registrant to OneCause and interested in having your purchases benefit dues of a family member or friend's child, please visit "Supporter Crediting" under My Home’s My Profile Setting. Click on the tick box to participate with Supporter Crediting and indicate the registered OneCause email address of the person's Supporter Crediting account you would like to support (theletschers@mac.com).
Just Love Coffee Roasters
For all you coffee-lovers out there, now you can get great coffee, support Fair Trade AND help us bring home a baby! Shop here http://www.justlovecoffee.com/theletschers to get your caffeine fix and a portion of what you buy through our shop will come back to us to help us fund our adoption. We've got to get to $15,000, so drink up!
Waiting for "Jamaa!"
Welcome back! Unfortunately, in Blog-world, when there's no news there's no blog. Well... now there's news. It turns out Stan and I need much more help than what the doctors originally told us and, as we're not willing to do IVF or any more infertility "experiments," we've decided to create our Jamaa (our God-given family) through adoption. SO! What started out as an infertility blog, has now "grown-up" into an adoption journey blog. We hope you'll stick around and come with us on our journey to find our Jamaa - our God-given family. There'll be posts about where we are in the process, what we're experiencing, as well as posts about how to help us finance this incredibe journey (it's $15,000!). We're excited to share all the latest news with you right here! Hopefully, at the very end of the life of this blog, there'll be a sweet little picture of our hearts' deepest desire.
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